August 29th, 2008 GregDDC
Man, it was a good month for Best of Craigslist. Here is my favorite.
Girls Piss Me Off ! ! !
Date: 2008-07-17, 8:50AM MST
Girls Piss Me Off ! ! !
Girls Piss Me Off.. “can you tell im single”? ? ?
I swear that if I wasn’t sexually attracted to girls that I’d be gay. At least
guys make sense most the time.
First off, girls just talk way too much. When you’re with your other
girlfriends, go ahead and talk about whatever the fuck you want. I don’t care.
But why exactly do you think that I care about the kind of day that your sisters
co-workers dog had? Your sister is nice enough, but I don’t know her co-worker
and I certainly don’t know her dog. So why the fuck are you telling me this
story? I don’t care! If you have something worth talking about, then I can enjoy
engaging you in a meaningful conversation. But before you start talking to me
about some of the insane frivolous shit that you talk to your girlfriends about,
first ask yourself “Does this have a point?”. Because if it doesn’t I’m just
going to smile, and nod, and zone out and you’ll get mad because I’m not
listening to your retarded shit!
Stop over complicating everything. There isn’t an ulterior motive or hidden
meaning in every other sentance. Unless, I suppose, it’s coming out of the mouth
of another woman. Because you ladies never can seem to say what you actually
mean. You have this weird secret code that you love to try and crack and expect
us guys to be able to get in on your stupid game. Guys aren’t like that. Rarely
rarely RARELY will you ever have to figure out what a guy is actually saying. We
say what we mean. Girls have such a skewed sense of logic that this simple
concept is often lost on them. When you go searching for some deeper meaning
that isn’t there, you’re just committing to an act of futility. In the end you
wind up making up some bullshit and believing that it must be true and acting on
that false reality and making a mess of something for no apparent reason other
than the fact that you’re in-fucking-sane.
Stop getting upset at guys for trying to help solve your problems. That’s what
guys do. You present us with a problem, we’re going to try and fix it. It’s in
our fucking nature. I know it’s in your nature to want to talk about everything,
but if you’re going to bring up your problems to a guy, expect that he’s going
to try and do something about it or give you advice. Women always bitch that
guys don’t listen. It’s not that we don’t listen, we just don’t understand why
you’re bringing up your problems if you don’t want us to do something about it.
We’re not as empathetic as your girlfriends, so if you want empathy, go to them.
Likewise, if guys have a problem, they’ll probably only bring it up if they need
help or advice. Many women will bitch that guys don’t talk enough. It’s not that
guys don’t talk, it’s just that your empathy doesn’t help solve our problems
when we do talk.
One of the most insanely frustrating things about women is the constant
reassurance. No, you’re not fat. If you were fat you wouldn’t be able to fit
into that size 2 dress. And yes, you look good. Guys wouldn’t be giving you free
shit if you were ugly. (There’s an ulterior fucking motive for you. Hint:
They’re not giving you free stuff just to be sweet.) It’s so frustrating having
to constantly answer those questions, only to not be believed. It’s like trying
to convince someone that the sky is blue. You’re not blind, you’re not even
color blind. You can see that the sky is blue. Yet you continue to ask what
color the sky is. I tell you it’s blue. I know that you know what color blue is.
And even though I’ve told you that the sky is blue about fifty-million times,
you still have to ask because…I don’t know…maybe it’s not blue today. The
sky is fucking blue goddammit! You’re not fucking fat! You’re not fucking ugly!
You know it, I know it, everyone fucking knows it!
And fuck all you ultra-hot girls that bitch about the most retarded things.
Yeah, all men are fucking pigs because they stare at your boobs. I’m sure it has
nothing to do with the fact that you’re wearing a skin tight low cut shirt that
has ‘Bebe’ printed across your boobs… one ‘Be’ per boob. It’s totally unfair
that you have to put up with guys staring at you all the time just because you
like to look sexy. And boo hoo, it’s so hard for you to meet a nice guy. Well
actually it isn’t, because the shoulder your crying on belongs to a nice guy.
He’s the one that puts up with all your stupid shit. And yet you some how end up
with all the assholes. I’m sure that it has nothing to do with the fact that
you’re holding out for a six foot tall alpha-male fire fighter with a trust
fund.
And finally, yay for you. You sold a freezer to some eskimos. Congratulations on
being the hot sales rep. We’re all very proud of you for being able to have a
nice ass while the rest of us actually have to work for a living. And we’re all
so excited to see your new diamond jewelry. Your ability to date another rich
fucktard that will shower you with expensive bobbles is commendable. And I’ll be
so surprised and sorry for you when he dumps you for the next hot girl. Because
I really thought that materialistic trophy bagger was in love with you. But I’m
happy to hear that you wrecked your fifth car while multi-tasking between your
cell phone and doing your make up in the mirror. Your dedication to enforcing
the stereotype of women drivers is nothing short of awe inspiring. And you’re
right, I was being a shallow douchebag when I commented on the hotness of Eva
Longoria. So lets go see that movie where Johnny Depp makes out with Orlando
Bloom on Brad Pitts abs. I know you’ve been dying to see that one.
Girls…you piss me the fuck off. You do stupid shit and manage to get away with
it. You can be the most annoying idiots in the world. Your sense of logic and
common sense seems to be a rare gift rather than a common trait. And yet I’m
uncontrollably attracted to you. And that’s quite possibly the most frustrating
thing of all.
–YES IM STILL SINGLE
August 29th, 2008 GregDDC
greg-2008-08-14.vssettings
rinehartcartoon
d9
Through the Bars
I have too much stuff on my desktop at work again so I’m putting it all up here. Hooray! Ungh. That girl is pretty much amazing, but she does have some weird finger crick action going on. I’m willing to look past that though.
August 27th, 2008 GregDDC
I found it, I finally found it. Woo ha, got you all in check.
August 13th, 2008 GregDDC
Base Drunk (bās drəŋk), n., pl.-drunks. a drunk applied before the main drinking of the day. Typically applied in the mid-afternoon, it allows for an easier to attain and more sustainable drunk later in the day. Can also be used to save money at expensive bars.
A few years ago my friend Derek and I were looking to go out drinking. We knew that the main event was happening much later in the day but our thirst was insatiable. So we parked in front of the TV and began our adventure. A football game or two later and we were pretty messed up. It was still the middle of the day and we only had plans for that evening. It was at this point that we ran out of drinks. Instead of going out to get more we simply let the drunk play itself out. Eventually we reached a level of sobriety that was a very close cousin of dead-sober.
Later on in the night we went to a party. We found that our drunk (which had been all but extinguished by time and food) easily reappeared. It was a miracle. We were able to enjoy the drunken level we had attained earlier in the day without any of the work. Thus the “base drunk” was born. I don’t remember who coined the phrase, Derek or myself, but I do know that it is both apt and apropos. And that, my good friends, is the story of the “base drunk”. Use this knowledge wisely.
August 12th, 2008 GregDDC
Link
One of the most prolific science fiction writers and my favorite authors has show his true colors. Orson Scott Card has recently written an article in the Mormon Times about how we, as a nation, should rise up and overthrow the government to prevent gay marriage from becoming law. It’s more than a little shocking to see this kind of rhetoric coming from such an (otherwise) brilliant man. I believe he may have what is clinically referred to as “asshole, stuck in his ways, old man syndrome” or (SIHWOMS).
How long before married people answer the dictators thus: Regardless of law, marriage has only one definition, and any government that attempts to change it is my mortal enemy. I will act to destroy that government and bring it down, so it can be replaced with a government that will respect and support marriage, and help me raise my children in a society where they will expect to marry in their turn.
It’s upsetting to think that someone as creative and open-minded as Orson Scott Card can be a closed-minded bigot with little remorse for a group of people who have not only haven’t harmed him but have been lining his pockets by buying his works. Overthrow the government over something as benign as gay marriage? You crazy, you crazy. He needs to get off his pulpit and go back to writing about how one idea can change the world for the better, not how it can destroy it.
It is an exceptionally narrow view to think that allowing gays to marry will be the downfall of marriage.
The pretext is that state constitutions require it — but it is absurd to claim that these constitutions require marriage to be defined in ways that were unthinkable through all of human history until the past 15 years. And it is offensive to expect us to believe this obvious fiction.
Homosexual behavior has been around for a VERY long time, much longer than the Mormon Church. It has been celebrated for centuries and has only recently become vilified. Same-sex marriages have been recorded all the way back to the Romans and have been thought to exist before recorded history. Applying insular ideals towards people you don’t even know is not Christian, it’s wrong. Christianity is about love and hope, not advancing your own agenda.
I believe that Michael Swaim has said it best.
What would Jesus do? If you can answer that question with anything other than “shower the world with endless love and understanding, then flip a wicked ollie on a flaming skateboard,” then you and I have a very different understanding of the man.
–Michael Swaim
I hope to continue enjoying his works, but it will be with a giant asterisk. This is as bad or worse as when Bradbury said Fahrenheit 451 wasn’t about censorship (You can’t apply your current morals to your past morals in a revisionist way Mr. Bradbury. You can’t.). I hope that he will change his stripes. I’ll wait a long time.
August 11th, 2008 GregDDC
I made you a mixtape. It starts slow and then picks up towards the end. This is an odd sample of what I have been listening to for the past while. I hope you enjoy it. Look! The wheels spin!
If you guys make a mixtape I would like to hear it. Please add a link in the comments so I can listen in on what you’re listening to.
I firmly believe that “Helena” by My Chemical Romance is best if you watch the video. It’s one of the best videos I have seen in a long time, and that dead chick is totally hot.
August 7th, 2008 GregDDC
Link
This is great. I think they should turn this into a commercial for KFC and Pizza Hut. Also, this link was recommended to me by the lovely Jamie Sue. Thanks dahlin’, you’re swell.
PORTLAND, Oregon (AP) — A New York man who pleaded guilty to murder in Oregon in exchange for buckets of fried chicken will get calzones and pizza to go with his life sentence.
Tremayne Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder — but only if he got a break from jail food.
Tremayne Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder — but only if he got a break from jail food.
Tremayne Durham, 33, of New York City, admitted last month that he fatally shot Adam Calbreath, 39, of Gresham, in June 2006. Durham wanted to sell ice cream and ordered an $18,000 truck from an Oregon company. He later changed his mind, but the company wouldn’t provide a refund.
The would-be ice cream man came to Oregon and killed Calbreath, a former employee of the company, while looking for its owner, authorities said.
Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder — but only if he could get a break from jail food. The judge agreed and granted Durham a feast of KFC chicken, Popeye’s chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrot cake and ice cream.
After Wednesday’s sentencing, Durham was to get the rest of the deal — calzones, lasagna, pizza and ice cream, his defense attorney confirmed. They will pay the tab.
Durham also got married Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the Portland courthouse. The wedding to Vanessa Davis, 48, also of New York City, was not part of the plea deal that will give Durham a chance for parole after 30 years.
Deputy District Attorney Josh Lamborn said Multnomah County Judge Eric Bergstrom made the right call in allowing the unusual plea agreement because it saved the expense of a trial and possible appeals.
August 4th, 2008 GregDDC
I thought it would be a bit cooler here in Norman now that I’m back from the sweltering death that is Houston. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed myself; it’s just more that a little hot there. We posted up at a number of places. My favorite was the Houston Dynamo game. We did a bit of tailgating before and after the game. There was beer, burgers and hot dogs. It was pretty fun. We went into the game and it was a blowout. The Columbus Crew didn’t have a prayer against the mighty Dynamo. I’m pretty sure my beloved Reds would stomp them into the ground though.
That wasn’t the only event on our itinerary though. Before the game we went to the St. Arnold Brewery for a brewery tour. There were several hundred people there and we were all thirsty for sweet refreshing beer. It was a mild 105+ degrees in the brewery and public sweatiness was the norm. We didn’t come as prepared as some of the veterans of the brewery tour though. Those bitches has sandwiches!
Continuing with my time-reversed portrayal of my Houston trip we ended the night before the Dynamo game by going to a super-awesome Ume concert. The first thing that you should know about Ume is that they do not fuck around. They are quite the sight to see. It will rock your sensibilities to the core seeing the smallest and cutest girl in the world smashing your brain with pure liquid rock. She has killer legs too. Whee!
Ume - Manic
We visited the Houston Aquarium. It was both awesome and air conditioned, a double plus. There were lots of critters there. We made friends with a sting ray we named Vernon. I’m pretty sure he wanted to drink my blood. Tara promised me that he was just trying to jump on me so I could take him home, not to drink my blood. There are two white tigers at the aquarium “because tigers like to play in the water”. They were very pretty and VERY big. There is also a tunnel-shaped aquarium that is filled with sharks. It was a pretty sweet facility.
During the hottest and most impressively disgusting day I have had the honor of experiencing in a very long time we went to Space Center Houston. Shit, it was hot outside. We went because of the (seemingly) awesome Star Wars exhibit. The video makes it seem FUCKING AWESOME. It is, in fact, not FUCKING AWESOME. Not even close. Not even one bit. This video shows every single bit of the exhibit. Now you don’t have to go, lucky you.
We did take the tour of the Space Center. It was ok, but with the heat it was probably not the best idea. We had to wait in line for quite a while in the blazing heat. It was lovely, look at the pictures. You can tell how much fun Lulu and Tay Tay are having. The Saturn V rocket exhibit is crazy awesome. You open the door and BAM! that thing is all in your face. It’s an experience. Lulu also had some astronaut ice cream, it made my mouth taste like sludge.
Finally we spent the first night eating and drinking. We posted up at the pool and set to drinking. Fun was had.
Thanks again for letting us post up with you Tara. We’ll have to do it again sometime.
**UPDATE** Tara has made a post about this trip as well. Be sure to “post-up” over there and check it out.
