September 12th, 2008 GregDDC
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This is from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source. I likes it.
EUREKA, CA—A local mountain lion came face-to-face with a group of hikers and made it out alive, sources reported Monday. Wildlife officials are crediting the courageous cougar’s quick thinking, catlike reflexes, and 150 pounds of coiled muscle with successfully fending off the human foot travelers.
Enlarge Image Mountain Lion
The quick-thinking cougar managed to escape by going for his attackers’ vulnerable torsos.
The mountain lion was reportedly enjoying a quiet afternoon walk around Redwood National Park, on the same path it had taken almost every single day for the past three years, when it heard a rustling sound emanating from the underbrush. Upon investigation, the large feline noticed that a pack of hikers—one adult male, two young children, and an adult female that it instantly recognized as the mother—had crossed into territory that the cat had clearly marked as its own via tree scrapings and urine.
Outnumbered four to one, the cougar, fearing for its life, somehow managed to stay calm. It remained perfectly still in a crouched position and stared directly at the hikers, in the hopes that they would simply pass by. The hikers, however, were undeterred. They began shrieking loudly, clapping their hands, and throwing sticks and rocks at the animal in an apparent attempt to injure it.
“Nothing can prepare a mountain lion for an encounter with four hikers,” said park ranger Kenneth Meiggs, noting that it is unusual to find hikers in that particular area of the woods. “In order to defend itself, the cougar had to rely on pure instinct alone.”
Enlarge Image Anatomy Of An Assault
Armed with nothing more than four-inch claws, razor-sharp teeth, and a 5.4-meter vertical leap, the mountain lion lunged at the adult male hiker. In a defensive measure, it pinned the hiker to the ground, thus disabling the man’s primary means of attack. After a brief struggle, the animal was eventually able to lock onto the hiker’s skull with its jaw.
“Repeated biting of the skull and face is the textbook way to fend off a human attack,” said Mike Kasperski, biologist and author of the book Hikers: Shadows In The Forest.
The mother, however, became increasingly aggressive due to the presence of her young. She reportedly ran toward the mountain lion with a four-inch-wide log and began striking it upon the head. Not knowing what else to do, the feline tore a foot-wide hole in the hiker’s stomach, but the enraged female continued to fight, poking the feline in the eye with her finger. The cougar, in a last-ditch effort for survival, whipped its claws across the woman’s throat, killing her instantly.
Remarkably, this brave mountain lion is only 4 and a half years old.
“It’s amazing what some mountain lions are capable of when faced with the most dire of circumstances,” Meiggs said. “To think that those hikers were a mere 20 yards away, and the lion walked away unscathed…. Wow.”
The two younger hikers received small lacerations on their legs and chest, while the adult male is being treated for massive head trauma and internal bleeding. The mother, identified as Cyndi Thalls, 38, of Pacoima, CA, was pronounced dead at the scene.
“I think it’s safe to say those hikers will think twice before getting into another tussle with this feisty little fellow,” Meiggs added with a chuckle.
Following the incident, the mountain lion retreated into the woods, escaping with nothing more than a few minor scratches and a blood-covered snout. At press time, it is resting comfortably on a large rock.
September 9th, 2008 GregDDC
These are just too awesome not to watch. The editing is wonderful. I like the first one more because of the awesome cameo at the end. I am a little miffed about the embellished power of Robocop. The Terminators are just a little too easy to kill if you ask me. The whole ‘jist’ of the Terminator series was that they were practically unstoppable. You think a gas truck exploding on top of a T-101 is not enough to bring it down, not even close.
I’m also pretty certain that the ED-209 is one of the coolest robots ever made ever. Anyone remember that Kenny went as an ED-209 in the Halloween Korn episode of South Park? “Citizen, you are under arrest. You have 20 seconds to comply.”
August 27th, 2008 GregDDC
I found it, I finally found it. Woo ha, got you all in check.
August 7th, 2008 GregDDC
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This is great. I think they should turn this into a commercial for KFC and Pizza Hut. Also, this link was recommended to me by the lovely Jamie Sue. Thanks dahlin’, you’re swell.
PORTLAND, Oregon (AP) — A New York man who pleaded guilty to murder in Oregon in exchange for buckets of fried chicken will get calzones and pizza to go with his life sentence.
Tremayne Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder — but only if he got a break from jail food.
Tremayne Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder — but only if he got a break from jail food.
Tremayne Durham, 33, of New York City, admitted last month that he fatally shot Adam Calbreath, 39, of Gresham, in June 2006. Durham wanted to sell ice cream and ordered an $18,000 truck from an Oregon company. He later changed his mind, but the company wouldn’t provide a refund.
The would-be ice cream man came to Oregon and killed Calbreath, a former employee of the company, while looking for its owner, authorities said.
Durham agreed to plead guilty to murder — but only if he could get a break from jail food. The judge agreed and granted Durham a feast of KFC chicken, Popeye’s chicken, mashed potatoes, coleslaw, carrot cake and ice cream.
After Wednesday’s sentencing, Durham was to get the rest of the deal — calzones, lasagna, pizza and ice cream, his defense attorney confirmed. They will pay the tab.
Durham also got married Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the Portland courthouse. The wedding to Vanessa Davis, 48, also of New York City, was not part of the plea deal that will give Durham a chance for parole after 30 years.
Deputy District Attorney Josh Lamborn said Multnomah County Judge Eric Bergstrom made the right call in allowing the unusual plea agreement because it saved the expense of a trial and possible appeals.
July 25th, 2008 GregDDC
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I love religious tracts. They’re one of my favorite things in the world. You might know them as those short and wide pamphlets the crazies are always handing out. You know the ones! They might tell you that you’re going to hell and will get AIDS for having pre-martial sex. Maybe they’ll tell you that all homosexuals have AIDS and are going to commit blood-terrorism! Perhaps you were wondering “Who murdered Clarice?!” Liberals are turning good Christians into social pariahs for not loving teh homogays!
Don’t think that Catholics get out of the sight of the wise and knowing eye of these tracts. Did you know that Mary cries whenever someone prays to her or that Catholics aren’t even christians? It would seem that the Eucharist is a Death Cookie! Even COMPLETE LOSERS LIKE JIMMY can be redeemed. Also, don’t put your faith in Presidente Carlos for in doing so you turn your heart from the lord.
The Holocaust was a Roman Catholic Inquisition against the Jews. No true Christians would kill anyone in the name of Jesus. God commands us to love the Jewish people.
–Holocaust
Needless to say, these people are insane. But they don’t know what real horror is! I present to you the best religious tract of all time, The Cthulhu Tract. This is singlehandedly the greatest piece of literature on religion ever created. That’s not conjecture, it’s fact. Give the whole thing a read. If you do not you will not be aware of your hopeless existence of unendingly painful insanity in the face of the cosmic truths of the universe which your puny intellect can’t possibly fathom!
No merciful, paternalistic “god” looks down on you from the heavens - just an endless, frozen void that cares nothing about the fate of a collection of insignificant bipedal microbes at the hands of vastly more powerful beings whose motives their puny minds cannot even comprehend!
–Cthulhu Tract
July 24th, 2008 GregDDC
Doug sent me a messed up video about honey, give it a watch.
Isn’t that the most messed up thing you have seen in a while? I think watching cakefarts or even puddingfarts(both are not even CLOSE to SFW) is better than that. What does it feel like to be the girl who only sings backup? Did she cry herself to sleep when she didn’t get the lead role in the commerical? So I, of course, bought some Maharishi Vedic Organic Honey for Doug because I am irresponsible with money. It’s on the way buddy. Save some for me!
From the item description:
This zesty yet sweet taste will satisfy the most discriminating palette. Produced from August to October, with influences from Simha Rashi (Leo) and Kanya Rashi (Virgo). Has a nourishing effect on the:
• optic nerve and the sense of sight
• sense of taste, facial nerve and facial expressions
“Captures the lemony freshness of early fall.”
“Like a bouquet of flowers.”
July 17th, 2008 GregDDC
Once a month the best-of-craigslist comes out. Usually it is just full of gay men talking about how people need to have their buttholes waxed or people complaining about how there are too many people in the personal pages that are degenerates. I have three favorites. One if from a while back and the other two are new this month.
The first one is entitled “Fingered on the RED line - Columbia University - w4m” and it is wonderful.
Fingered on the RED line - Columbia University - w4m
Date: 2008-02-07, 12:06PM EST
Hi!
We were on the RED local line, I got on at 14th Street, you were already on the train. I got off at Columbia University 116th. Around 5PM. It was very crowded and you were behind me. We talked awkwardly while you were still behind my back, pushed into each other. I told you I hate being an undergrad, we connected. You ended up fingering me while no one else was noticing. I didn’t get your full e-mail. If you see this, let me know. I hope you do! I miss you.
This second one is curt. It is also probably one of the funniest things I have ever read on craigslist. It is called “josh from the frat house on 15th - w4m”
josh from the frat house on 15th - w4m
Date: 2008-06-19, 11:24AM EDT
I’m pregnant
My favorite one is definitely not safe for work so edge in close to the screen while reading it if you need to. “Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? - m4w”
Want it from behind while you play Super Mario Brothers ? - m4w
Date: 2008-07-02, 2:35PM EDT
Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it? This is the post for you then.
You must know your way around the game before we meet, must be open to anal sex, also able to fake an orgasm is a plus.
I will send you the address to a hotel and a room number. When you arrive the door will be open. Please come in close and lock the door and close the shades if they are still open. I will be in the bathroom and the door will be closed. Turn on the TV and the Nintendo. Remove all of your clothing. Turn off all lights in the room and kneel down on the bed so you are directly in the light of the TV. You need to be facing the TV with your butt in the air pointed toward the pillows on the bed.
Press the start button on the controller when you are ready. I will hear the sound and turn the light off in the bathroom and come out. You will not look directly at me, only look at the TV. When the first level starts I will begin to finger you and lick you. I will be using lots of lube as well.
When you reach the end of level one, make sure to trigger the fireworks. This is vital to the entire experience. I must hear the fireworks. When level 2 begins and Mario walks into the pipe, I will penetrate you. You may say things like, “MORE”, “HARDER”, “YES”, “FUCK ME”, but nothing else. I will continue having sex until the level ends. DO NOT take the secret level skip. If you die I will pull out and spank you until the level restarts.
When you reach the flag you must again trigger the fireworks, and also orgasm. I will pull out. When the 1-3 starts I will penetrate your ass. You are allowed to say something like “OH GOD”, “YES”, OR “IT HURTS” no other conversation is allowed.
When level 1-4 starts I will alternate between holes as I see fit. You may beg me to cum inside or outside of you, depending on what you want. When boss falls and you reach the princess I will pull out and blow my load where you have convinced me I want too. You may then say something like “Thanks”, “It was great”, “I loved it”, “Don’t stop”
If I am impressed you may continue playing and I will continue to pleasure you. If I am not, I will turn the Nintendo Off and return to the bathroom. At this time you may clean your self with the towel that is beside the bed. Turn the lights on, redress yourself and leave.
I may come back out and talk to you as you dress but the conversation will most likely be short and revolve around scheduling another time to get together.
I think the worst part of the last one is that it was written in the middle of the day on a Wednesday. The same day that Amelia Earhart went missing. Have a heart man!
July 14th, 2008 GregDDC
Derek sent me a video that I just had to put up here. I’m sorry in advance but this is a full on lollercaust.
